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If You Have To Say Good-Bye

Some of these suggestions may sound strange or like the last things in the world you would want to do when a child is dying - but if you have to say good-bye these are things that you will be so thankful that you did later.   Even if it may not seem so right now.  

• Call “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” to take photographs.   You will not regret doing this and they are very compassionate and free.  Information is included in this book.
• Take photographs.   Make sure to take a family photograph, photos with grandparents, siblings, etc.   Use more than one camera.
• Take video if possible.   Video your baby, your family, the hospital, the nurses and doctors.   It will make you feel closer to your baby later.
  
• Let other families members say good-bye too.
  
• Tell your baby that it's ok to go - studies show even newborns seem to die more peacefully when hearing those words.
• Hold your baby even after he/she has gone - we've never had a parent say "I wish I hadn't held my baby after he died". We can't count the parents who've said the opposite.
• Take your time. Rock your baby, hold your baby, sing to your baby.
• Take (or ask the nurse to take) plaster molds of your cherub’s hand and feet
• Take ink handprints and footprints of your cherub's feet.
• All hospitals have chaplains who can perform christenings, even after the baby has gone.
• Ask the hospital social worker or clergy if there is a local funeral home that offers free services for babies (many do).
• Save all items from the hospital that they will let you; name tags, hospital bracelets, diapers, clothing, chapsticks, lotions, toys, balloons, blankets, notes taped to your baby’s bed, etc.  You will want them as keepsakes of your baby’s time here.
• Cut a lock of hair to keep in a book or wear in a locket.
• Wrap your baby in a blanket and hold him or her.   Use a blanket that has stayed at the hospital with your baby (most hospitals will give you the blanket).  When you leave, take the blanket with you and then store in an acid-free container to retain your cherub’s scent.  It will give you enormous comfort later.