Mon Nov 20, 2006 9:32 am

"allencathyann" <allencathyann@yahoo.com>
allencathyann
 

Re: Sibling reaction since sister's death HELP

Children know more than we do. My niece thought after my baby's
death I could just go get another. From her, that was fine.

Your son is not doing anything abnormal. Some young children will
even "play funeral". At 4 - as Heidi mentioned they have no real
concept or perhaps a better concept than we all do. At 7 - I also am
a professional counselor - your child will then re-grief because
the 'reality' as we know it will come in.

There are some WONDERFUL books out there that can help too! Many age
appropriate too.

Here is one that I liked:

My Liddle Buddy Jake: Children's book explains Death, Heaven, Spirit,
and Jesus to a child that has lost a younger sibling suddenly (SIDS,
Accidents) (Hardcover)
by Cristine Thomas (Illustrator), Bonny Yokeley (Editor)
(3 customer reviews)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
List Price: $9.95
Price: $9.95 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over
$25. Details

A Butterfly for Brittany: A Children's Book About the Death of
Another Child, from a Child's Point of View (Hardcover)
by Cristine Thomas
(2 customer reviews)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
List Price: $9.95
Price: $9.95 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over
$25. Details

This will also give you and your son time together - this helps and
will also help to heal YOU too! You helping him will in turn help
yourself.

I hope this helps,
Cathy Ann

--- In cherubs@yahoogroups.com, Rosaena <cdhparent@...> wrote:
>
> On some level your feelings are quite normal, however, you do have
to be careful not to act on those hurtful thoughts/feelings. (ie:
tearing down the sign)
>
> I'm not a professional whatsoever but it sounds to me as if your
entire family could benefit from talking to a counselor. Maybe
talking it out will help you and/or your child handle the grief a bit
better. I've also heard of groups for families that have lost loved
ones...dont' know what the groups are called...but I'm sure if you
ask your doctor, he/she will be able to give you more info. And
finally...are you part of the cherubs list for grieving parents? I'm
sure those that have been in a similar emotional place will be able
to offer you some degree of comfort. And I'm sure you'll find others
that have had similar thoughts and feelings.
>
> May God keep you in his arms and I'll keep your family in my
prayers. I'm sure Jaila is looking after her big brother and her
entire family. Many hugs...
>
> ~Rosaena
>
> mrsberrios <mrsberrios@...> wrote:
> Since Jaila'a death, back on Sept 18, it's been really hard for
me and
> my husband. Shocking, it has been just as hard for my 4 year old
son,
> Jakub. He cried and was very emotional at her memorial and he talks
> about her everyday as if she were here. When he saw her in her
casket
> he was like mommy mommy please let me go to the car. I asked him
why
> and he said he wanted to get her blanket because she was cold to
the
> touch. I tried everything not to break down but I did when I
realized
> that he was cring. The whole pregnancy he was extremely close to
me.
> He went to every prenatal visit and everything that I learned he
did
> too. I never thought that he could understand but he did and very
well.
> Now, two months later, he talks to her, when he goes to bed he
sleeps
> with her, when he gets her in the morning he makes breakfast (on
his
> sister play kitchen) for her. I tell him she is in heaven abd
sometimes
> he want to go to heaven to be with her. Did any of your other young
> children feel like this about your churubs in heaven? Also I'm very
> uneasy when I see other small babies and pregnant women. I feel
like
> why me and not them. I'm very mad at them and filled with hated.
> Sometimes, I'm glad to hear that another baby in the world has died
> because mine did. I know that that sounds harsh but that's how I
feel.
> Some lady in my area put a big stock sign at her house announcing
how
> she had just had a baby and I wanted to take it down and burn it.
Why
> does it seem like everyone is over the death and I'm siting here
not
> able to get over it. Please give me some advise as to how to deal
with
> these uneasy feelings.
>
>
>
>
>
> CHERUBS- The Association of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia
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