Subject: [cherubs2] Emotionally Beat Up ....Not CDH or grief related (maybe a little) Date: Wed, 13 Jun 2001 13:39:15 EDT From: doyleew@aol.com Reply-To: cherubs2@yahoogroups.com To: cherubs2@yahoogroups.com Okay, here goes and I hate to do this but my self esteem is really at a nil right now. I took this job in February and everything seemed to go well at first until my supervisor called me in her office after a month and told me that the Team leader had a problem with me. I was "insubordanent." I have never been insubordanent - well, maybe as a kid working at McDonalds - not even then - I'd do what had to be done and complain later. Anyway, that started off the *feelings* of not being welcome. My supervisor also in the same "meeting" was third degreeing me about an appointment I have once a week (therapy). I take it for my lunch hour that day and stay late to make up any time - and told her this. She told me she needed me to email her with this info. I had been temping at many different locations - and NO ONE ever questioned my work ethic - ever. I felt put off too. I complied. And a week or so later I went to the "Team Leader" and told her if she had a problem with me please let me know. She told me she didn't - that the supervisor was off her rocker or going through PMS. Well, I let it go. A few weeks later, I'm called back into the supervisor's office and still there is the same problem. (I laid low for a while.) I didn't know why the others could vent, and I could not. I was constantly correcting everyone else's mistakes - they kept making the same mistakes over and over even being told over and over not to make these mistakes. I didn't vent. Well, Dawn T will understand this one. I had a major problem with phone service and Sprint (our only local carrier) and their customer service stinks. (They are getting better-but my phone line had been dead for a weekend, that was fixed. Then a few days later another problem.) Then I had a problem because they were to install a second phone line and I preferred an afternoon appointment - but since Brian would be home one day they said they had an opening for 8 to 10. I chose this. This phone line was a "gift" for Rachel, so to say. Anyway, last Tuesday at 11:30, Brian calls me and no one has come by. When I called Sprint they said it was canceled because it was a "preferred afternoon appointment." I admit, I went off. I was at work - and on my time (lunch) - but I went off. My blood pressure rose and I know it. I was also wrong to do that at work. Well, this stemmed into an investigation on me, I was notified about this yesterday. You know how you feel you have tried and tried and nothing will get done. The people you are working with are just ignorant -- or just want to be pawns in the company all their lives -- well, I could just tell. I told them I was wrong and it would not happen again -- of course all this of me being "insubordanent" was brought up - no documentation mind you. So I did take all my personal stuff home. My intent was to go in today and explain myself and try and leave on a professional note. I went in and my security card would not open the door. I know taking my stuff home was an indication of me leaving - but I didn't say anything to that effect - and that was my intent to voluntary quit today. But this was in my opinion - maybe I'm wrong - unprofessional? This place made me question myself as a worker, as a person. I felt I couldn't say or do anything for fear that something would be seen as *wrong*. I think I am better off without them - but does anyone out there have any idea how to deal with this 4 month "stint" on my resume. How to get over this beaten up feeling? I know this has nothing to do with CDH or loosing our precious babes - but God, why doesn't something positive start happening? Sorry to ramble - thank you for reading, Elizabeth, Proud Mom of Cecilia Winn Propst, 11/2/99 - 12/10/99, LCDH, O2, N0, Gortex Patch Repair, Silo Patch to final Closure, ECMO 32 days (UVA's record holder), Renal Failure, Hemophiltration via ECMO, Hemophiltration via machine - youngest patient ever on, Pulmonary Hemorrhage. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] CHERUBS- The Association of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Research, Advocacy, and Support cherubs@gloryroad.net http://www.cherubs-cdh.org PO Box 1150, Creedmoor, NC 27522 (919) 693-8158 Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/