Subject: Re: Deleted myself - wish I could sometimes!
Date: Sun, 31 Mar 2002 18:23:50 EST
From: DoyleEW@aol.com
To: dawntorrence@cherubs-cdh.org

Dawn,

First I hope that this weekend went as well as could be expected.  I thought
that this is the FIRST holiday without Debra - the kids first Easter without
her.  (Right now on my list of "to do's" is to find this book for them - on
their level that may help.)

Spoke with Judi who told me that she loved my opinionated self - I told her
it was riotous indignation - or insert foot in mouth dysfunction.  I like
the saying - A mind and an umbrella are a waste if unable to be opened.  I
must understand that Lise's mind is a broken umbrella that will NOT open.

It is still eating me up about Victoria - but I also feel that Lise is VERY
manipulative and that it wasn't Mark BUT Lise that posted that to the
listserv - after all, if you had the emails - why not respond to ME?  I am
embarrassed by this and upset that I was accused of this.  As for the
religious thing - pardon me Dawn, but I don't know what religion - sometimes
the things that have been posted by her are off the wall.  Another thing
that bothers me is that she has sent me adult type email - not X-rated but
you know what I mean - and her children are in her email?  I don't think so.
 I wanted to defend myself - but now know that that isn't worth it - and
have heard from a few that she has been "campaigning" against me - and has
irritated others about them wanting to participate in this chat.

I will forward the emails to you if my system still has them.  AOL deletes
my mail automatically if I don't save it.  I don't save much.  I also am NOT
- I swear on Cecilia's grave - EVER going to say/do anything if something
posted bothers me again.  (I do wish to just not post for a while on the
grieving parents listserv - in fact when I rejoin it or if, I will NOT ask
for emails - just check it via the sight.)  If it bothers me I will vent to
you directly about it.

Now, to Rachel.  Wednesday evening she worked and called me on her break.
 She asked me if she wanted me to call her - I said no because the A-Home
doesn't allow them to call after 9:30 PM and I am adhering to rules and so
should she.  I got a call around 11 PM.  Poor Jennifer - who was working
there, said Rachel came back from work and insisted on calling me at 10 PM.
 She wouldn't let her.  Then Rachel accused them of not giving them a
message from me because she KNEW I called.  She then threatened to commit
suicide if they didn't allow her to call me and started slamming the drawers
and cabinets in the kitchen looking for a knife.  (The lock them up.)
 Jennifer tried calming her down - Rachel ran up to her room and found
something to cut herself with.  They took her to UVA and I was told that I
could stay put.  (It was very hard for me because part of me wanted to go -
but the other part said I would be giving into her demands.)  The
psychiatrist on duty there called me at 2 AM, told me that she thought that
Rachel did this for attention and to get her way.  She has done similar
things in the house before - but no one but Brian and I witnessed this
behavior.  Her department head wanted Rachel committed to a Phyc hospital -
but Region 10 was called in and assured her the A-Home was not a
fly-by-night operation and that this kid wasn't suicidal - just had attitude
- and she agreed with Region 10.  Commit the kid or let her go back to the
A-Home.  Ugh - at 2 AM.  This sweet lady also told me she knew I was
pregnant to say put, and let them take care of her.  She also knew of
everything I had done over this past month with Rachel - and told me, "As
one Mom to another, you have done the right thing.  She has an attitude, she
is bright - but that will not get her far because where she is headed is
prison with her behavior."  I also got a call at 3 AM from the psychologist
from Region 10 - she set up an evaluation by them - at 11:30 that day - she
called back just a few minutes after we talked and told me not to take her -
because then I was giving in.  Rachel had an appointment with a new
therapist at 3:30 Thursday and a Phyc Eval on Friday with a phsicatrist.
 They also were informed of this - so things were in place for her.

Rachel was able to visit with us on Saturday and today.  I took her shopping
yesterday.  She did well and she did well today.  I still think that she has
a way to go too.  One step forward and three back.  So, she is okay - just
strong willed, opinionated and attitude - two of the three traits came from
me.

I also thought of something here - I can have Rachel committed because I am
her parent.  Is there any way you could do the same to Jeremy because by law
- you are his wife?  It might be something you can check into - not do - but
check into.  May be good to ally yourself with his family.  Just a thought.

The saga just never ends does it?  But I am not going to cause any more
drama by posting my opinion.  I'm just going to let it go - if it bothers me
- I will email you - you can tell me to keep my feet out of my mouth.

Hugs,
Elizabeth