1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's
name. My child lived and was very
important to me. I need to hear that he
was important to you also.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child
I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the
cause of my tears. You have talked about
my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by
removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish
you wouldn't shy away from me. I need
you now more than ever.
6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but,
I also want you to hear about me. I
might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child,
my favorite topic of the day.
7. I know that you think I also know that my child's death
pains you, too. I wish you would let me
know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six
months. These first months are traumatic
for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the
day I die.
9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you
could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will
always grieve that he is dead.
10.
I wish you
wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be
happy"; neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate
yourself.
11.
I don't want to
have a "party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
12.
I wish you
understood how my life has shattered. I
know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with
you.
13.
When I say
"I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't
"feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
14.
I wish you knew
that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and
overwhelming sadness are all to be expected.
So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and
cranky.
15.
Your advice to
"take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too
much and too fast for me right now. I
wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
16.
Please excuse me
if I seem rude, certainly not my intent.
Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me
find a quiet place to spend time alone.
17.
I wish you
understood that grief changes people.
When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my
child died, and I will never be that person again.
18.
I wish very much that you could understand
---- understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my
pain. BUT, I pray daily that you will
never understand.
